BOOTboys

BB2535 : The Right Way Up

Wednesday 17th September 2025

One of the (many) things that annoys this grumpy old man is seeing the Union Jack (or Flag if you are being pedantic although the differenticiation seems to have expired) flown upside down.

Broad white stripe at top next to the pole: Correct.

Narrow white stripe at top next to the pole:
Help needed, please. All is not well.

Do these supposed patriots not realise that to do so is a cry of distress, not that of honouring our United Kingdom? Or is that the whole point?

Anyway, that was furthest from our minds when we set off. Or, to be more precise, determining what time to set off. The trouble was that five different weather forecasting organisations gave five different views as to when it would stop raining, varying from “it has already stopped” (no, it hadn’t) to “raining all day” (no it didn’t).

Met Office suggested that it would clear between noon and 1 p.m. so we gathered at Stan’s for a coffee until the prediction came true then off we set.

It is a sharp climb out of Stan’s back garden across fields then back down into Kendal streets where we saw the inverted flag. Should we knock on the door and ask if we could help? Or should we dismiss the sight as well-intended ignorance? We debated the situation as we pressed on to Castle Green Road and the very narrow, steep and slippery ginnel up into the open field.

Problem. The stream that we had to cross was in spate after all the recent rain. It seemed better to go past a confluence and take the two tributaries independently. Both were fast flowing and awkwardly wide. Stan and I took the second one quite low down. Robert and Martin climbed up alongside, which we thought a daft move as it went into a steeply banked gully. Imagine our subsequent surprise to see them well ahead of us. Luckily for them the stream had emerged from underground and there was no challenge.

Then what happened? It started raining. That intense drizzly sort of rain that soaks anything that isn’t waterproof such as my trousers. Stan and Martin were properly prepared. Robert changed. I didn’t. I got wet. However, I reasoned, these trousers are Rohan and will dry quickly once it stops. Fortunately, by the time we reached Paddy Lane, it did stop and, eventually, I did dry out.

The Thirlmere Pipeline inspection chambers have been recently landscaped.

Stan’s plan was to take the race route up on to Benson Knott.

He and I had tried to do this during lockdown BB2041 but we had trouble finding the way out of the fields on to the fell. After all, it is some 50 or more years since Stan actually took part in the race and, sadly, it is no more. This time we tried a different way. Although we did find gates that opened so it must have been a semi-legitimate way, he didn’t think it was the right way up.

It didn’t matter and the sheep weren't bothered.

Soon we reached the first summit of Benson Knott where we were surprised to find that the trig point has been painted yellow. Why and by whom? Anyone know?

On a good day it is a fine viewpoint for the vista round from the estuary to the Howgills, passing the Lakeland hills en-route.

After climbing the second and slightly higher top.....

...... we descended to the busy road to Tebay and the M6 then, after a dangerous 50 yards or so, took the little lane that drops down to Meal Bank. On the way we passed a house flying the flag. Correctly, I am pleased to report.

Sadly the little café at the craft centre was closed so we pressed on. Robert had never been to Dodding Green so that was a must.

Dodding Green was originally a Catholic Chapel that was incorporated into a private house. Subsequently it became a Cancelo Community retreat then a centre for the recovery of people with a history of substance misuse. It has since been rented out as a private house but now lies abandoned which is a great shame.

We spent some time examining the building then walked passed the rather fine but now untended graves and back to the road. Our route back to Kendal was along the River Mint, past the Rugby ground. Benson Knott stood on the skyline as we passed Queen Catherine School.

Inevitably we reached to the Tap. However this was a pause in, not the end of, our adventure. We still had climb back to Stan’s house. He led us through ginnels that were new to the rest of us. “Do you know where we are going?” someone asked. “Of course I do,” said Stan. “This is definitely the right way up.”

Don, Wednesday 17th September 2025

Comitibus:

Don, Stan, Martin, Robert

Relive:
To experience Robert's remarkable reconstruction of our adventure, click on the picture below.
View as Full Screen for best effect.

Slaidburn:
In the absence of a BOOTboys outing last week, Mike and Tony went on a photography day out to Slaidburn. Here are some of Mike's pictures:

Mike has also produced a playlet about their day out which he describes as a short banter in the style of The Goons—imagine the voices of Kenneth Williams and Spike Milligan, with all the quirks and absurdities they were known for. It’s a rainy day, the roads are wet, and our two characters are off on a rambunctious day trip to visit some churches and have a proper meal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Scene: The inside of a battered old car, rain battering the windows as Tony the Biker, in full leathers, leans over the wheel. Mike the Driver, looking a bit frazzled, sits in the passenger seat, holding a soggy map.]

Tony (Kenneth Williams-style, slightly nasal, dramatic):
Oh, Mike, I’m telling you, it’s as though the heavens have opened up with all the fury of a very disgruntled tart who’s just been jilted at the altar! Honestly! It’s like a flood, a veritable deluge of water trying to drown our spirits, and we’re not even near the Nile!

Mike (Spike Milligan-style, paranoid, fast-talking):
What’s this “altar” nonsense? We’re supposed to be seeing churches, not planning a wedding! I told you, I’m not getting married! The last time I was near a church, the vicar asked me to leave after I mistook the bell for a game of “bingo”! Honestly, Tony, this is torture!

Tony (waving his hand theatrically):
Torture? No, Mike, this is the joy of the journey! The romance of a damp, soggy Tuesday in Burton-in-Lonsdale! Look at that rain! Delightful! It’s practically begging us to seek sanctuary in a church—sanctuary—that’s what we need, because I’m sure you’ve done something unspeakable to deserve the rain!

Mike (mock-offended, gesturing wildly):
I have not done anything unspeakable! And you’re always going on about churches—do you have some sort of ecclesiastical addiction? Are you like those monks? Is this your “pilgrimage”? I’ll be wearing a robe next! The only thing I’ll be “praying” for is a dry pair of socks!

Tony (raising an eyebrow):
Oh, it’s always socks, isn’t it? That’s what I get! The rain’s tapping on the window, the streets are awash with history and mystery, and you’re obsessed with socks. Honestly—the rain does nothing for the soul, does it? It just makes you wet and whinge, like a tired kitten!

Mike (glancing at the map, frowning):
History and mystery? What mystery? We’re supposed to be visiting churches, but if I have to listen to one more of your sermons about the “sanctity of buildings” I’ll be changing the radio station to anything that isn’t you talking about medieval stonework! Oh, here it is—Burton-in-Lonsdale, and look at that church! Looks like someone’s forgotten to dust it!

Tony (with a flourish):
Oh, come off it, Mike. It’s got character, I’ll have you know! Character—like an old boot! A well-worn boot, one that’s seen things, been around, and still going strong. And what’s wrong with dust? A bit of dust never hurt anyone. It gives the place a sense of authenticity.

Mike (eyeing the church skeptically):
Authenticity? More like “it’s been rained on for centuries”! Honestly, Tony, if I wanted a history lesson, I’d be reading a book. Right now, I want pie—pie and chips. I can’t hear you over the sound of my stomach growling for a nice steaming plate of peas! Not dust and medieval stonework!

Tony (dramatic, but with an edge of laughter):
Pie and chips? You’ve reduced our noble pilgrimage to… pie and chips! What happened to the grandeur, the mystery, the sacred journey? You, Mike, are a culinary heretic! It’s like bringing a cucumber sandwich to a rock concert!

Mike (unphased, snatching the map):
Listen, pal, I’m all for grandeur and mystery… as long as it comes with a side of chips. Let’s get to Slaidburn—before the church in Burton-in-Lonsdale gets any more “authentic” than it already is! If you don’t mind, I’ll leave the history to you and focus on sustenance.

Tony (with a theatrical sigh, settling back):
Fine, Mike, fine. Slaidburn, then. I suppose we’ll have to endure the rain and the soggy roads for that promised meal. But don’t say I didn’t warn you, my friend. One day, you’ll find yourself in a church, gazing at the stained glass, and you’ll think—I should’ve had more chips.

Mike (with a wink):
You’re right. I’ll regret the chips… but I’ll really regret not having enough pie. Now, move it, Tony—this rain’s giving me a case of the grumpy stomachs!

Tony (sighing but amused):
And there’s the real mystery, Mike. The ever-persistent grumpy stomach! A true conundrum for the ages. Anyway, let’s get on with it. Let’s see what Slaidburn has to offer, apart from another damp church and more of your “culinary expertise”!

Mike (starting the car with a dramatic rev):
Onward, my pilgrim friend! To pie! To peas! To chips! To the mysteries of Slaidburn, where the rain never stops, and the food… might!

Tony (looking out the window with a dramatic flair):
Ah, yes, Mike. We’ll never know, will we? Mystery and chips. It’s like being in a novel by Agatha Christie, except… there’s less crime, and more grease.

[They drive off, disappearing into the misty, rainy horizon, each in their own thoughts of food, history, and, inevitably, more rain.]

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Map: OS 1:50

STATISTICS	BB2535 : The Right Way Up
Date:	Wednesday 17th September 2025
Features:	Benson Knott
Distance in miles:	9.0
Height climbed in feet:	1,253
GPX track:	BB2535.GPX
Comitibus:	Don, Martin, Robert, Stan

For the index pages of our various earlier outings click on the relevant links below:

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